Saints Row IV has always looked like it was going to be an over-the-top, absolutely crazy experience, and it looks like the marketing department for the game thought they should get in one the action. They have made one super rare, super premium, super insane special edition titled “The Super Dangerous Wad Wad Edition” and are selling it for the low, low price of $1 million dollars. Oh, and the offer is exclusive through this UK website. Why is this offer through a British site given in American dollars? Because WUBWUBWUBWUBWUB.
Some of the highlights:
- A full-size replica dub-step gun. Oh man, does this come as a relief. Maybe I won’t have to build my own now. I think I’ve figured the frame out but I can’t quite get the calibration on the wubwubwub matrix just right.
- Virgin Galatic Space Flight. WHOA. Is this real? Will you really send me into space? I’ve always wanted to know if it was possible to dub-step in zero gravity.
- Hostage Rescue Experience. Wait, what? Like…you’re going to stage a hostage rescue for me? Which end of the experience will I be on? Now I’m a bit worried this whole thing is just a setup. Once they find someone dumb and rich enough to spend a million dollars on this, they will trap him under a box and hold him hostage until the family pays for his release.
- Spy Training Day. It seems to me like a day isn’t nearly long enough to train someone to be a spy. I DEMAND SPY TRAINING MONTH.
- Lamborghini Gallardo. Wait. This package comes with a space flight, a lambourghini, and four separate expensive vacations? I’m a bit worried I’d be stupid not to take this now.
- New Toyota Prius. Yeah, I think once you give someone a Lamborghini you can forget about the Prius. “Hey, here’s a succulent steak dinner. Oh and also I brought you half of a Mars Bar.”
- Plastic Surgery. …huh? Why is this a thing? Are there limitations? Because I want a shark fin and the description didn’t say “Plastic Surgery, As Long As You Don’t Ask For A Shark Fin.”
Figures they’d be too cheap to spring for a season pass for all DLC. There’s always a catch with these things. That’s how they’re going to make their money back, anyway. I know what you’re thinking: “wow, look at all that awesome stuff that comes free with my $1 million dollar dub-step gun.” And yes, a replica dub-step gun is worth the million dollar price tag alone. But, trust me, you need to restrain yourself. That much money could buy you like 20,000 other games, or a couple of weeks of extra lives and moves on Candy Crush Saga. I’m assuming this is mostly just a promotional joke, but I really hope there is someone out there with a million extra dollars to spend that was going to buy a space flight, a hostage rescue experience, and Saints Row IV and thinks this is a great package deal. Or we could all just chip in a couple thousand bucks and create some sort of time share for the dub-step gun. Who’s in?