A Grown Man Reflects on Chuck E. Cheese’s Alien Defense Force Before We Could Stop Him

Editor’s Note: We sent Jeremy a code for Chuck E Cheese’s Alien Defense Force as a joke and couldn’t stop him before he wrote about it. So, uh, here it is in all its glory. You don’t have to read this. Did you know we just did a Devil May Cry: DmC preview? You should read that instead. 

Chuck E. Cheese’s name alone brings back a lot of memories for me — many of them involve eating pizza while some animatronic animals sang, while others involve awesome arcade action. Bucky ‘O Hare was a huge hit at my local location and it was hard to beat a Saturday afternoon that combined one’s love of greasy food and gaming with a minimum of hand-washing and an overload of soda. A good sugar rush comes in handy when playing Alien Defense Force because it’s a shooting gallery game — nothing but one in fact. That may conjure thoughts of Point Blank on the PSOne and DS, but this DSiware exclusive lacks the charm and variety that game had. That gave you many different things to shoot in a variety of ways. You could have a boss to shoot, or ducks, or hit only things of a certain color, crooks, and so on.

Here, you just shoot icons. Then you shoot enough and move onto another stage to…shoot more icons. Then you unlock YET ANOTHER STAGE, AND UNLOCK…a new background that lets you SHOOT ICONS IN IT. Even with being able to choose between a water pistol and water balloons, it’s a very one-note version of an already-limited concept. Alien Defense Force also lacks the whimsical music. Here, you’ve got grating generic fun-time tunes that will have you wishing for a second stylus – one to play the game with, and one to dig into your ear. You’ll probably just want to mute the game unless you’re really into learning ASL quickly, though. On the plus side, this game features a really creepy avatar of a mouse, which isn’t in Point Blank, and is at least a well-done shooting gallery game — there just isn’t a lick of variety to it. It’s better than a bad licensed game, but not very memorable, and will probably be quickly deleted from the systems of anyone whose age has reached double digits.