Pizza Hut Becomes Official Pizza Chain of Xbox LIVE; Xbox Becomes Official Gaming Console of Fatties

Good news for everyone out there that loves food, but absolutely hates doing anything to get it: you can now use your Xbox 360 to get pizza. And no, I’m not talking about assembling a small pizza and trying to cook it in your Xbox 360 disc tray. I can confirm from personal experience that it doesn’t work and all jamming a bunch of dough into your Xbox does is void the warranty. Instead, Xbox LIVE now has an official pizza company as Pizza Hut has jumped on board to become the official pizza chain for Xbox. This of course makes total sense and in no way sounds like the laziest way to order food ever, because we all know what a hassle it is to warm up a frozen pizza or drive to the nearest pizza place or order pizza with your phone or the internet or any other of a dozen ways you can get pizza because it is literally the easiest food to come by in America. Now, using an app on the Xbox 360, you can order a pizza and by syncing it up with your Pizza Hut account (that’s a thing?) you can place an order, have it delivered to you, and pay without ever having to leave your sofa. I mean, I suppose you technically will have to get up to answer the door, but if this sort of thing appeals to you I’m assuming you already have a delivery slot in your door shaped to accommodate pizza anyway.

I’m not sure how Pizza Hut thinks this could possibly help their sales, as anyone who would want to order a pizza through their gaming console already has their favorite pizza chain’s phone number memorized. It’s most likely listed as their emergency contact. And who the hell are you kidding with the Kinect functionality, Pizza Hut? Nobody using this is going to own a Kinect, because those games involve enough physical activity to make their hearts explode and they’d become offended when Star Wars Kinect kept misidentifying them as a small moon. If, however, you accidentally bought a Kinect thinking it came with a cream filling, then you’re in luck because the whole order can completed using only voice detection. That’s right, all you need to do is yell “PUT PIZZA IN ME, XBOX!” from your chair and magic pizza faeries will take care of the rest. Of course though, no self respecting individual is going to angrily shout “LARGE PIZZA” at their Kinect.

Be sure to check out Pizza Hut’s promotional video below, where an individual angrily shouts for a “LARGE” pizza at his Kinect.