Capcom Resurrects Breath of Fire Series Specifically to Disappoint Fans

The good news is we’re finally getting a long awaiting sequel to the Breath of Fire series. And not some nonsense spin-off or anything like that. This will be a proper number sequel. Wait, did I say good news? I meant misleading news. Because while we are getting Breath of Fire VI, it is only for PC, Tablets and Smartphones. But that might not be so bad, right? A jRPG for the PC sounds pretty cool and–oh wait. This will be one of those online only touch RPGs. Why you ask? Why is this a proper numbered sequel and not Breath of Fire: Side Story Touch or Breath of Fire: Abomination or Generic Title Because This Isn’t Even a Breath of Fire Game? Because Capcom hates their fans and is getting paid by some evil deity by the amount of tears they are responsible for, that’s why.

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What is this? No, seriously: WHAT IS THIS? Who was asking for this, Capcom? I want names, dammit. I want to go to each of their houses and shake them vigorously by the neck and shoulders. I understand companies being greedy, or lazy, or high on paint thinner, but this is just an awful, awful business decision. Casuals aren’t going to care that you put the name of a relatively esoteric RPG on their Words With Friends and Candy Crush machines, and long time hardcore fans of the series aren’t going to buy this because we don’t want to watch you humiliate one of our favorite series in public. It would be like if a music company knew that there was a core group of crazy nostalgia buffs that were hoping for a New Kids On the Block reunion, so they released a video of them throwing garbage at  Joey McIntyre. It’s like we just spent a decade begging Capcom to release one of their hostages, and they finally agreed to it by dragging it to the edge of a cliff and pushing him off.

Whatever Capcom wants to do with their time and money is really their business, but I’d appreciate it if they stop zombifying my favorite series to get some of that sweet, sweet casual money. That’s exactly what these things are too, zombie series. From afar, you can make out the vague outline of something you once loved, and you run towards it to embrace it and dance and cry because you were afraid you lost it to the monstrous horde that had taken over your city. But then you get closer, and you notice something isn’t right. There is a weird leaking fluid coming out of several of its orifices, it smells rotten, and it keeps mumbling about how you should try its touch controls. It’s dead. It just doesn’t know it yet.

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Breath of Fire is just the latest series to join the ranks of the walking dead, which makes me a little sad because the series has been consistently great up until this point and Breath of Fire IV was one of the underrated gems on the PlayStation. No word on what series Capcom has decided to drag out into the woods and beat with a shovel next, but I expect a Monster HunterVille announcement sometime within the next year.