Win A “Free” Xbox One Courtesy of Mountain Dew and Doritos

Are you looking for a free Xbox One? Have you no real attachment to your teeth? Do you have no family history of diabetes and want to remedy that immediately? Then boy oh boy, do I have the contest for you (and maybe you should reconsider how much you value your teeth)!

Mountain Dew and Doritos are giving away an insane amount of Xbox One consoles, and one can be yours if you’re willing to consume enough Mountain Dew to turn your blood into a syrupy slush. Starting September 30, you can begin entering codes found on select Mountain Dew and Doritos products. These will allow you to bank a certain amount of points (which vary depending on the product) which can then be used as bids in the various auctions that will be running on this site starting November 5. Each time you enter a code you are entered into a raffle for the console, and all the points you store up can be used to bid on various prizes, including Xbox One consoles and absolutely insane “premium prizes,” the most amazing of which is for the Ryse premium insano-bundle. This package comes not only with the game and the console, but a trip to Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas and “a set of limited edition replica Roman Armor and full-size Roman statue created in winner’s likeness.” Unfortunately, while the full size statue sounds amazing, I’m almost positive that there aren’t enough sculptors in Las Vegas to properly capture the winner’s girth. This will be the first statue diagnosed with diabetes.

This sounds like a great way to pick up a “free” Xbox One if you can stomach all the Mountain Dew and Doritos, as auctions will be ending every two minutes during the span of 9 PM to 2 AM ET all the way through December 9, except for on Black Friday when the auctions run all day. Purchasing enough Mountain Dew basically guarantees you a console, but at that point you could probably have just bought the console and it would have been cheaper, and that’s not including all of the money you’ll have to spend on medical bills and installing a freight door so you can leave your house. The bad news is that they cap you at only 1000 codes or 150,000 points, whichever comes first. Fortunately, we can already tell you what will come first: death.

Good luck!