State’s Attorney Seriously Suggests GTAV Will Lead to People Killing People For Sport

By now, I’m pretty sure every gamer has heard the argument that playing violent video games will lead to violent behavior in some form or another. And I’m also pretty sure that after hearing that argument, nearly every gamer has laughed, gone back to playing GTA V, and then later that night risen from their bed in a deep sleep to hobble outside and kick a stray cat. We can’t help it. Violent video games make us violent and we don’t even know it. I remember just last week after playing GTA V I went outside, stole a car, hijacked a helicopter, and flew it straight into a strip club. At least, I remember parts of it. Severe GTA V addiction has lead me to black out and I can’t account for large chunks of my time.

Luckily, Illinois State’s Attorney and professional crazy person, Jim Glasgow, from Will County knows all about this and more. But don’t you worry, fine upstanding citizen afraid of the hordes of GTA V players descending upon your town. Last week, Glasgow gave a presentation to a group of 50 parents at Mokena Junior High School and made GTA V a focal point on why violent video games are ruining society. Jim Glasgow is ready to don his tinfoil suit of armor, sit on his riding lawnmower, and declare a war on violence the likes of which we have never seen. He isn’t going to try and take this to the Supreme Court (his side already lost this battle), but he is calling for an economic boycott. His words are passionate, emphatic, and more than a wee bit crazy. As first reported by the Southtown Star:

“Violence is the No. 1-selling entertainment that we have,” Glasgow said, citing not just video games but movies and prime-time TV shows. “Our culture embraces violence. We have to say, ‘We don’t want it anymore.’ ”

Oh, ok, fair enough. This isn’t so crazy. He’s just making a broader statement about violence in the media. He isn’t singling out GTA V at all. I mean, it isn’t like he showed a six minute video to the parents of all the different ways you can murder people in GTA V, with some dogs dying and cars running over women and cops for good measure. Wait. We’re being told that is exactly what he did. What was the purpose of this six minute video game snuff film? How many hours of GTA V did Jim Glascow play to record all this footage? Can someone provide a link to his Youtube channel, which is probably titled, “Check out how many dogs I’ve killed in GTA V”? Unfortunately, we can’t provide answers to any of these questions.

After scaring the parents straight about how much fun–I mean horrifying–GTA V is, Glasgow went on to get to the heart of what is really concerning everyone around the world: hunting people for sport. No, seriously:

“The bottom line is TV, movies and games have pushed the envelope gradually. If you do not come together and stop it and get mad, they will cross the line into an area where they can do whatever they want. When (murder) becomes a sport, we will really be in a scary place.”

I honestly hope this is some sort of misunderstanding, or a poorly phrased sentence. He can’t mean that playing video games is going to lead to some sort of horrifying future out of The Running Man…right? Just in case, lets all band together and agree that no matter how much GTA V we play, we will never let The Hunger Games become a real thing.