Spider-Man’s Attempt To Steal An Xbox One Foiled By His Stupid Disguise

So much for with great power comes great responsibility, eh Parker? Looks like we need to change that to “with great power comes all the free Xbox Ones you can carry because responsibility is for mathletes” or something like that. Or, at least we would, if this attempted burglary wasn’t foiled by the robber’s own stupidity and cowardice.

Yesterday, the Detroit Free Press reported on one of the stranger attempts at video game theft we’ve seen since some guys thought it would be a good idea to pretend to be cops to cut in line for GTAV. Two sisters were walking out of a Meijer after securing themselves an Xbox One launch console when they were approached by a man in a Spider-Man zip-up hoodie. He demanded their game, and brandished what one of the sisters thought to be a gun. After asking if he was serious, the man became nervous and, upon seeing other customers leaving the store, fled in his getaway vehicle. This was obviously the first warning sign that the man may not have been Spider-Man, as the real Spider-Man would have fled via his web shooters and not his ’86 Dodge Charger.

So, to recap, a man pulls a gun on two women to try and steal a new video game console, and instead of being terrified of the man holding a deadly weapon, the women laughed and asked if he’s serious because of how stupid his robbery attire is. Note to all future criminals out there: when robbing someone try not to dress like a cartoon character to prevent the confusion that results from being held up at gunpoint by Daffy Duck. No one is turning their wallet over to the teletubbies, regardless of how big of a gun they are holding. Also, if asking “are you serious” can completely unravel your evil plot to the point where you are literally fleeing in terror, perhaps you need to go back and rework you master plan. Maybe the guy just has a crippling fear of talking to women, which is supported by the fact that the most menacing outfit in his closet would get him beat up on most playgrounds.

The police did manage to catch up with the dastardly villain the next afternoon, presumably because he was the only guy in a Spider-Man onesie at the grocery store whose costume was soaked with failure pee. After taking the guy in it turns out (plot twist everyone) that the robber was not actually Spider-Man. They haven’t released the name of this impostor yet, but I’m guessing it was the Green Goblin trying to sully Spider-Man’s good name. Everybody gets (Xbox) One, kids. Except Spider-Man, apparently.