We Made the Trophies, Now Give us Goat Simulator

The folks at CoffeeStainStudios set out to answer an age old question. What does it feel like to be a goat? If the alpha-footage of Goat Simulator 2014 is any indication, the answer is hilarious. While the company was careful to mention that ‘Grand Theft Goat’ wasn’t a game in development, we refuse to accept that. The gaming industry wants — no, NEEDS — this game. With that in mind, we decided to put together a trophy list.

BRONZE

Everyday I’m Grazing
Enjoy the finest grass the city has to offer

Feeling Horn-y
Destroy 10 vehicles without using your horns

No Goats, No Glory
Climb the tallest building in town

Gruff Behavior
Cross every bridge in town without dying

SILVER

They Call Him Billy the Goat
Ram a pedestrian into traffic without alerting authorities

The Milk of Zlateh
Spend a night in the haystack

Where’s Edgar?
Only the fattest goats survive

GOLD

Tin Can Dinner
Eat 10,000 tin cans

Bleating Thy Enemies
Make sure you’re the only goat in town

PLATINUM

Craving That Capeweed
Earn all other trophies and become master of the goat race

Watch the madness below: