Gaudy and Possibly Offensive Whoa Nellie! Big Juicy Melons Now Available for $6499.99

Ah, the dream of pinball ownership. It’s a known fact that the single thing that makes for an impressive homestead is having a pinball machine smack dab in the middle of it. Of course, with prices well into the thousands, this dream is not a reality for everybody. Those who do have the chance, however, have great modern pinball tables to choose between including Tron, Transformers, Lord of the Rings and now Whoa Nellie! Big Juicy Melons.

No, that’s not a joke, but actually the name of the latest pinball machine from Stern — a mass market version of WhizBang Pinball’s pet project from a few years back . The table takes players through the exciting journey of melon farming, letting them play as the voluptuous Melony Mellon as she attempts to produce bountiful crops whilst avoiding her shotgun-wielding father.

The pinball mirrors classic tables and forgoes many modern conveniences like ramps and good taste in order to present an experience as authentically garish as possible.

So head over to an authorized Stern Pinball dealer to order yours now before all of the dive bars across rural America snatch them up.